Never Question LT’s Sobriety

The GSF | November 10, 2009 | 1 comment

We’ve all been in a fender bender at some point, and everyone can relate to the feeling of panic and anxiety that sets in just moments after the accident occurs. We can’t say from experience, but it’s probably a bit like being blindsided by a ferocious outside linebacker — even if you’ve already thrown for 300 yards, that shit’ll sober you right up.

“My eyes? Oh, I’ve just been crying a lot lately.”

Yesterday, when Lawrence Taylor was trying to change lanes on a Florida freeway and accidentally crashed his Escalade into a 1984 Ford van, he must have felt the same panic Joe Theismann did back in 1985. Unlike your average motorist, LT didn’t stop on the side of the road and exchange information with the other driver. Instead, he drove two miles from the scene of the accident before cops eventually found him in a nearby parking lot. If that doesn’t sound shady enough, according to TMZ, Taylor drove those two miles on just his front axle, as his entire front tire was found at the scene of the crash.

Now we’re not suggesting that LT was doing anything illicit, but we do know this — 2 miles is plenty of time to throw a few things out the window and to let the car air out…and this, we do know from experience.

Still, somehow, the good cops of the Sunshine State felt that “despite his bloodshot eyes,” LT was “so coherent” that a sobriety test was unnecessary.

We’re not surprised that LT was coherent — the guy’s a career addict, and by now he better be able to handle his shit. But let’s face it, the slight smirk in the mugshot leads us to believe that LT was, as they say, in a happy place.

The only thing more surprising than LT’s sobriety not being questioned is the fact that this story has received little attention apart from the coverage on TMZ. Well, like Taylor’s highly underrated cameo on the Canadian TV Series “Tropical Heat,” sometimes an amazing performance goes unrecognized.