“Conditional with a capital C” by Darnell Goodman
C’mon, Mike. That shit ain’t gonna fly.
This afternoon I was extremely happy to hear the news that Michael Vick was conditionally reinstated into the NFL by commissioner Roger Goodell. But this isn’t the first time that I’ve heard the word “conditional” used, and lemme tell you…this sorta thing doesn’t always end well.
It was the summer of ‘02, and I’d been dating Candi Apple, a legendary dancer at the Spearmint Rhino. Things were great: the sex was mind blowing, she knew when to shut up, and the bitch made the best damn spare ribs I’ve ever tasted. So about three weeks into it, when Candi gave me the go-ahead to “enter through the back door,” I was on cloud nine.
A few days later, after a long night out with the guys, I came home to find Candi waiting for me in my bed. She was asleep, but still looking fine as hell in her crotchless panties and silk nightie. Needless to say, I’d had a few drinks, and when I tried to go through the back door without waking her up, the sweet Candi Apple turned sour, and I damn near lost my third leg.
So while things are looking up for Mike Vick with today’s news, let me be the one to serve as a cautionary tail. Tread lightly, Mikey. And no, cockfighting is not okay.
Category: Football