The economy is in the shitter. The swine flu is everywhere. And the housing crisis continues. Yet Congress still has the time to talk about College Football. Normally, I’d be flattered. But not under these circumstances. Today, Congress heard from my esteemed colleague and BCS coordinator John Swofford, who spoke to the merits of the […]
It may not be fashion week, but yesterday was a huge day in the world of women’s attire. That’s right, I’m referring to the sexy new line of underwear that has the (tramp) stamp of approval of the biggest hunk in College Football, Tim Tebow. And with Timmy T coming back for one more year […]
Well that was the cherry on top of a month-long shit sundae. That’s right, I’m talking about last night’s enthralling finale to the College Basketball season. I honestly tried to get excited for this game – you had the hometown underdogs, attempting to resurrect their city, against the preseason favorite. But it didn’t take five […]
Every year at this time, it’s the same thing. I wake up in the middle of the night, rush to my bathroom, and violently throw up — typically a mix of scotch and bananas. No, it’s not my acid indigestion acting up…it’s March Madness. I’ll tell you what’s “madness” – having a bracket of 65 […]
Like the 1993 Robert Redford snooze-fest of the same name, the Mountain West Conference recently made an indecent proposal to change the BCS’ structure. However, unlike the film, it contained no gratuitous shots of Demi Moore’s voluptuous rack. I’ll spare you the details on what’s been proposed, but I will deliver a message that I’ve […]
With his second Super Bowl championship in five years, Ben Roethlisberger has not only cemented himself as one of the greatest quarterbacks of our era, he’s also signaled a shift in how prospective NFL quarterbacks should be evaluated. Troy Aikman had a winning smile, and Tom Brady sure looks handsome in the pocket, but Big […]
Point: The Treasury Department should take notice: there’s one American who’s bracing himself for “The Great Recession,” and his name is Mark Sanchez. By declaring himself eligible for the NFL draft this morning, Sanchez is betting that he can beat out Georgia’s Matthew Stafford and be the first QB selected in the 2009 draft, likely […]
To all of you who have emailed me regarding the Utah situation: shut the fuck up. Must I remind everyone that they’re preaching about a team from the Mountain West Conference? The Runnin’ Rebels, the Lobos, the Horned Frogs…what is this, intramural softball? When the Utes barely beat New Mexico, no one made a fuss. […]
Tonight’s championship game pits the two best quarterbacks in the land against each other – Tebow vs. Bradford. The last time a matchup of this magnitude occurred, it was during the spring semester of my senior year at Arizona. Our fraternity was hosting its annual “pimps ‘n’ hoes” theme party, and one of my pledges […]
I’ve never understood why fans get so upset when their team is labeled the underdog. So far, in the 12 major bowl games, the “underdogs” have a record of 9–3. In fact, the only game in which the favorite outplayed their opponent was when USC dominated Penn St. in the Rose Bowl. Having studied the […]
Sure, I’ve had my disagreements with Joe Paterno in the past, but when I heard that he signed a three-year extension with Penn St., I couldn’t help but be happy for the old man. JoePa symbolizes many things – tradition, sportsmanship, respect for the game. But most of all he is a leader that anyone […]
It’s award season, from the Heisman to the Golden Globes, which means it’s time to name Mason McDermott’s “Dumbass of the Year.” Steeped in tradition, this coveted title is fit only for someone who reaches a maximum level of douchebag-ery. Past winners include Lee Corso, Charlie Weis, and Kevin Federline. And this year, it goes […]
When the 2008 Heisman finalists were announced this past week, I realized that this award has become a consolation prize for whoever feels most neglected by the BCS Committee. You guessed it, Colt McCoy’s gonna be taking home the hardware, not because he has the best numbers in the nation, but because Texas isn’t playing […]
It’s been a long season for the BCS Committee, and from well-thought out scientific formulas to “outside the box” thinking, the chimps have tried just about everything. And no matter what they’ve done, the haters never seem to leave them alone. But now that it’s the end of the season, the most important decision of […]
Even though we decided upon a whole slew of bowl games this past weekend, everyone is still talking about our decision to put Oklahoma in the Big 12 Championship. Well guess what? It wasn’t our decision. It was my decision. And I stand by it. In the heat of battle, a leader has to take […]
Recently everyone’s been asking me: should College Football move to a playoff system? Normally I’m someone who welcomes diversity – cheese or pepperoni, two-point conversion or extra point, missionary or doggy-style – it’s a part of what makes our nation so great. But let’s examine the situation in full. The beauty of college football is […]
With Obama’s appearance on Monday Night Football this past week, and his bold statement that he would like to see a playoff system instated in college football, the pressure on the BCS Committee has been ratcheted up a notch. Not only are they dealing with the three team Big 12 conundrum and all the bitching […]
Last week I sat down with Coach Pete Carroll of the USC Trojans to give him a detailed analysis of our most recent rankings. Normally, I would do anything to sit across from Coach Carroll, with his dimples and salt and pepper mop…but having to be the bearer of bad news is never fun. I […]
Last week Mason graced us with his theory on how the teams should be ranked…and, surprise surprise, it was less about the S-E-C and more about the S-E-X. So this week, it’s time to take a more scientific approach being touted by none other than our resident number cruncher, Ned Baxter. According to Ned, the […]
