Harold Billingsworth:
CEO

Ned Baxter:
Senior Director of Statistical Management and Data

Mason McDermott:
Vice President of Business Development and Internal Affairs

James Reynolds:
Senior Vice President of Operations

Lucy Swanson:
Associate Director of Strategic Planning

 

Normally, I’d rather watch re-runs of Mr. Belvedere than tune into an NBA game.  But this time of year, it’s hard to avoid.  LeBron this, Kobe that…it gets sickening.  Just get it over with — we all know who’s gonna be in the finals.  

Or so I thought.  This past weekend, the failure of a playoff system was once again brought into focus as the two teams that everyone and their mother is rooting for met some stiff competition.  But besides the fact that the NBA playoffs are on the brink of becoming something that no one outside of Denver and Orlando cares about, something that Stan Van Gundy said took the cake: 

“This isn’t the BCS. People don’t get to vote for who they want to play.  We’re not in that ridiculous system.  This is real sports here where you get to decide it on the court.”

Real sports, Stan?  Funny — I thought that real sports had actual rules and officiating that made sense.  Next time you want to see what true competition looks like, come on up to Columbus in mid-November.  And don’t worry, they make Buckeyes sweatshirts in XXXL.

 

First he wanted to reform healthcare, then it was the BCS system, and now it’s Notre Dame’s football program?  That’s right, our wonderful President has promised that, if elected to a second term, he will turn Notre Dame’s football team around.    

Let’s face it, outside of South Bend, no one gives a rat’s ass about the Fighting Irish.  Sure, my great grandfather was a Notre Dame fan…during the great depression.  And his favorite food was a mayonnaise sandwich.  Me, I prefer seared ahi with a side of the spread offense.    

What Mr. Obama fails to realize is that the beauty of the BCS system is that it keeps Notre Dame in its place.  And as long as I’m running this show, that’s how its gonna stay, no matter how much “community organizing” goes on in South Bend.

 

We all know the flaws of a playoff system — the best teams never face off, and you’re just as likely to pick the winner at random as you are with an educated guess.  So when I saw this site, which allows you to make a bracket for anything, I couldn’t help but get a little annoyed.  I thought we didn’t have to hear about “bracketology” again until the snoozefest known as March Madness 2010.

But to make matters worse, some of the brackets that people have created are utterly mind-boggling.  I mean, how in the world do “Giant Robots” win the Pirates v. Ninjas bracket?  That would be like a Mountain West team winning the BCS.  It just doesn’t happen.

And for the record, the best Hootie and the Blowfish song is definitely “Drowning,” not “Let her Cry.”  That song was way overplayed.

 

The economy is in the shitter.  The swine flu is everywhere.  And the housing crisis continues. Yet Congress still has the time to talk about College Football.  Normally, I’d be flattered.  But not under these circumstances.

Today, Congress heard from my esteemed colleague and BCS coordinator John Swofford, who spoke to the merits of the current system.  But many of the Congressmen, including Rep. Joe Barton of Texas, were skeptical.  According to ESPN.com:

“It’s like communism,” Barton said at the House Energy and Commerce Committee’s commerce, trade and consumer protection subcommittee hearing. “You can’t fix it.”

Barton, the top Republican on the committee, quipped that the BCS should drop the “C” from its name because it doesn’t represent a true championship.

“Call it the ‘BS’ system,” he said to laughter. 

Very funny, Barton.  Let’s play another little wordgame.  Rearrange the letters of Congress, and you get “Cons Erg.”  Latin for Go Fuck Yourself.  

Now you get back to fixing the economy, and I’ll get back to wiping my ass with my Utah Utes jersey.

 

It may not be fashion week, but yesterday was a huge day in the world of women’s attire.

That’s right, I’m referring to the sexy new line of underwear that has the (tramp) stamp of approval of the biggest hunk in College Football, Tim Tebow.  And with Timmy T coming back for one more year with the Gators, the timing couldn’t have been better.  Goodbye Percy Harvin, hello sexy underwear.

For the low price of $8.50, you too can show your pride where it counts.  But please buy a few pairs.  The guys around the office tell me that crusty panties are a big turn-off…even when they’re endorsed by a God-fearing QB.