Dear Mark Cuban,
You may not realize it, but you and I have a lot in common. We both have a garage full of luxury automobiles. We both get more pussy than we know what to do with. And with the insider trading charges, we’re both now poster-boys for the enforcement of the law.
In times like this, you gotta show the world that you’re still the same Mark Cuban we’ve come to know and love. It was a smart move showing up at the Bobcats’ game the night after the charges were filed, but you gotta take it to the next level.
Why not drop a hip-hop album explaining your plight? “If it ain’t yo Mamma, It ain’t yo bizness” would definitely go platinum. What about creating a charitable organization? I started the DCCD: D-Good’s Center for Crunk Dancing. Or how about going on The Bachelor? Ladies love a guy with a dark past and deep pockets.
If you need any more advice, you have my cell. Otherwise, I’ll see you courtside when your Mavs come to L.A.