“It’s the steroids, stupid” by Zachary “Z-man” Rubenstein
“Toss me a dougnut…I’ll catch it in my mouth!”
At this point, we’ve grown accustomed to seeing big leaguers test positive for steroids. It’s become as common as seeing a twenty-something actress “forget” to wear underwear and flash her cooter at the paparazzi. But when news broke that “Big Papi” David Ortiz was among those who tested positive for steroids in 2003, my heart sank into my stomach.
Ortiz is the first player named for taking steroids that’s made me scratch my head a little bit. It wasn’t hard to see that Clemens was roid raging back in ‘04, nor did it take a spread in Details magazine to prove that A-Rod would do anything to make his guns look bigger. And Sammy Sosa, despite maintaining a friendly smile throughout his juicing regimen, was sprouting muscles in places previously unimaginable.
But David Ortiz was so fun-loving, so likable, and to be frank — fat as hell. Nothing about Ortiz’s corpulent form ever hinted that he was injecting himself to get a competitive advantage. If anything, I thought the guy needed to learn when to step away from the buffet table every once in awhile.
It just goes to show, an extra helping of empanadas won’t cause you to hit 40 home runs a year. It’s the steroids, stupid.
Category: Baseball
But a trough of empanadas works for Prince Fielder