“A Mistake from Day One” by Norm Brooks
Not only did I have the last pick in the first round, but of course I picked CC Sabathia with my first choice. Of fuckin’ course. Let’s take a look at his craptastic Opening Day Stats.
Everybody knows the hype that surrounds this guy. On the field, the 265-pounder is an intimidating presence – the rare fat man who gets stronger as the game goes on. And off the field, we’ve heard all about C.C’s jovial personality – he’s fit perfectly into the Yankees clubhouse, he’s a community leader in his hometown of Vallejo, CA, and he devours chili dogs two at a time.
So, please, if you have a moment to spare, tell me what the worst part of my life is right now. On one hand, I can look forward to watching sweat cascade off C.C’s largesse while he works a day game in June, looking like baseball’s version of Patrick Ewing. Or on the other hand, there’s this crack head, Ronnie, who keeps trying to sneak into my bed at the shelter each night.
A happy Opening Day to you all.
Category: Baseball